Thats right folks, you've heard correctly. Its finally happened. After months of anticipation, I have finally been selected to join the ranks of a society so elite only a few non-Peace Corps Volunteers can claim membership. Based solely on merit, luck, and, of course, location, location, location, I have been deemed worthy.
(No, Lonely Planet has not yet commissioned me to write The Pessimist's Guide to World Travel.)
I have now earned the right to stand up in whatever middle-class first-world neighborhood I'll spend the majority of my life and say "Yes, I have been to darkest Africa and, yes, I have the disease to prove it!
I have Malaria and in case you didn't know I'm from America so this is a big fucking deal.
White People With Malaria (WPWM, pronounced 'Whip Wem')
Meetings Thursdays 6pm at your local Anglican Church.
At least its probably malaria. Called the silent killer for good reason (a malaria-carrying mosquito has no whine and leaves no mark when it bites) apparently the malaria parasite can also "hide" in the blood during testing leaving one with only Death Flu-like symptoms for diagnosis. Of course, considering the rash and low white blood cell count, it could also be Typhoid Fever.
But, as the doctor said,"Probably not. Maybe typhoid fever. Maybe not today. Thank you."
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