Nsima Sayings.

I am guessing that interest in my updates may have diminished because it has come to my attention that (against all odds) I have neglected to mention much of anything about the cuisine here in Malawi.

Allow me to remedy that situation in a shameless plug to boost approval ratings.

Though considerably less extreme (on the nauseating scale) than Mongolia, Malawi definitely has something special to offer the palate. We rely on what I like to call the Big Five: cabbage, okra, tomatoes (I'm cursed), pumpkin leaves (I'm still waiting for the actual pumpkins to make an appearance), and onion. We eat these on a revolving basis - depending on availability - with rice, always rice. Rice is, it should be noted, our bourgeoisie replacement for the local staple food nsima (pronounced with a swallowed 'n' + 'sima'). Basically like congealed cream-of-wheat served in palm-size "pats" and made from maize flour. Odorless, tasteless, colorless, and can't be traced.

A Malawian riddle (conveniently included in the English curriculum):
Q: What is a mountain that you climb with your hands?
A: Nsima.

A popular Malawian saying:
"That exam was simple, like eating nsima!"

It is suspected here that the world revolves, not around the sun, but around a giant pat of molten nsima. That the heart is not an organ, but a pulsating pat of nsima pumping our life blood. In fact, its possible that our veins don't hold blood, but an ever running river of nsima.

A Bicycle (Taxi) Built for Two (or Three).

The bicycle taxi (see above). The most common form of transport in Malawi, second only to foot traffic. A harrowing and often traumatic experience depending on a variety of factors including, but not limited to: the fitness level of your bicycle taxi driver, the quality of the road, and if the bicycle taxi is "bwana" (meaning high class) and has breaks, peddles, handlebars, etc or not. An unstable journey anyway, this one was made even more life-threatening by the limited availability of taxis. Fortunately this driver reasoned that if he could carry a fat woman with a bag of charcoal he could more than handle the two of us.

***

Another term break spent hitchhiking. Southern Malawi to Dar es Salaam in 4 days by any means available is pretty impressive if I do say so myself. All went well until, in desperation and fear of having to spend the night in a maize field, we had to take a ride from a car of Indian men from Zambia with guns and then subsequently stuff ourselves into the trunk of a car. Oh the things you never thought you'd do voluntarily!

With the considerable time spent in various vehicles (and inspired by the bicycle taxi experience depicted in the picture), I was able to compose the following song (sung to the tune of A Bicycle Built for Two):

Azungu Azungu (meaning "white people")
What are you doing here?
I'm half crazy all for the chance to leer.

I don't know what I want from you -
maybe 50 kwacha (Malawian currency) will do

but at the very least
you're sure a strange beast-
a woman wearing short trousers!